They say it is impossible to learn being charming, one has to be born with this talent. It’s an excuse for lonely insecure people who are not happy with their lives. Any woman who hasn’t given up on herself can be charming as long as she wants to be attractive, works on her style, body language, way of talking and manners, of cause.
First you have to set your priorities. If you don’t want to settle for something less and be able to choose your surrounding and attract interesting and enchanting men you have to be charming and give others a chance to see it. It’s very unlikely that Mr Right will come knocking at your door while you are sitting and waiting for him. You will have to meet many different men before you meet your Prince Charming.
It starts with first contact. Many people believe the initiative here belongs to men while women are to answer “yes”, “no” or “may be”. It is another cliché which does little good for anybody. Men mostly don’t notice a woman unless she decides to make them notice her. Those women who do nothing and expect men to notice them spend most of their lives waiting or become a target for men who objectify any woman without appreciating what kind of women she is. Most women prefer confident men who often happened to be sensitive and insecure deep inside, though they don’t show it. They are afraid of rejection and unless they see a woman is reciprocal they won’t make a move. Nevertheless they are always looking for “signs” even when it’s not obvious. Therefore if they notice one they will definitely find a way to answer it.
However noticing each other doesn’t necessary mean you will meet. At this point you just check the initial reaction and make first impression of each other. It’s totally up to you whether to choose a man among those who noticed you. In this situation woman has an advantage of making this decision.
Gracious look and a smile can be a very encouraging sign for a man. Are you aware of the way you smile? Is it charming, open and winning him over smile or forced, cold, condescending, “I don’t care”, one? Spare the latter for getting rid of people you don’t like and give the most delighted and brightest smiles to others. Look at men with interest mixed with joy and rapture. It always works. Staring at men can confuse them while throwing quick looks can go unnoticed. You have to strike a balance by looking at man long enough to make him realize that he is noticed while prolong eye contact is the sign that you are interested in him. Obviously a man should be able to see you looking at him. If your eyes meet give him a delighted smile. Avoiding eye contact can be considered as a lack of interested on your part (even if it not the case). If a man hasn’t noticed you looking at him you’ve got to find a way to make him notice.
Talking to men about what makes them notice a woman I also asked women to share their experience of meeting men. Based on my research I can say that women need to get closer to men’s “personal space” (it’s about a miter within a radius of them) and stay there for a while. As a rule people (unless they are in crowded place) notice what is happening in that space. Once you get there you can make him notice you by giving him the prolong look we’ve discussed above or glancing at him quickly and look way in your blushes just to look up at him again. Don’t forget to observe his reaction. He might start getting closer to your “personal space”. It helps creating an opportunity for a man to show his worth. For example: you can drop something “accidentally” and let him pick it up so you can thank him later.
By the way, you can casually complement a man; you don’t have to look for a suitable occasion. If you see a man reading an interesting book in the subway or a playbill of local theater you can complement his taste. Just make it sound very casual, unobtrusive without addressing him directly. However he should be able to understand that you are talking to him, so your voice has to stand out, don’t whisper.
Men notice joyful women with beautiful sincere smile. Such smile can brighten up their day and encourage them to start conversation.
Keep in mind then men look for affirmation. They have to feel strong, confident and successful next to you. If you make him a better man he will stay with you just to be able to enjoy this feeling again and again. What are the rules of attraction? It is very important the way women dress. Men always notice a well dressed woman who looks sexy and feminine. Body language is as important as the timbre of woman’s voice. It has to be attractive and make man’s imagination run. No matter what you do: adjusting your hair, seating with your legs crossed, moisturizing your lips, slightly bending forward so your décolleté becomes deeper, accidentally touching your face, it has to be in a graceful manner. Remember life is a dance, so live it gracefully. Move slowly especially when saying goodbye so your men will have time to do what you expect him to do. Don’t rush away, it’s better to prolong the moment and give him a chance rather then be sorry later for his indecisiveness.
Passing over the initiative.
You have given him several looks, moved closer to him but he still doesn’t notice you. Don’t give up. It’s quite possible that he didn’t see you looking at him or didn’t guess it right (men can be a bit slow sometimes). Try to make him notice you again. If he neither reacts to it nor pays any attention to you he is definitely not interested. Just let him go. You can start the conversation first however keep in mind that men often get tensed if the initiative doesn’t belong to them. Therefore try to pass it over to them as soon as possible. Many women are reluctant to make the first step. They are afraid of rejection and imagine it before they even try to start a conversation. Why? First, the answer may well be affirmative which means you win. In case it is negative, you don’t lose mush as well. You remain unacquainted with this man. No big drama. Don’t take it too personally and spend much time trying to understand what could be wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. It might be a bad timing or this man can have a thousand of other reasons which are not related to you. It happens to everybody, including you. Be thankful for constructive and clear answer; it saves you time so you can look for another opportunity.
Next time we will discuss what you should do when a man you are interested in finally make a move and approach you to start a conversation. Meanwhile you can practice the rules of attraction we discussed above.
Meeting people is like an easy and funny game with elements of improvisation. You should not take it too seriously right from the start otherwise it can loose its charm and turn into something boring and predictable.
Keep in mind that you can always stop this game. You don’t have to feel obliged to continue it. You’ve been nice to a person and possibly brighten up his day by giving him a smile or complementing him. Such moments make this world a better place to live in and can make a day. So enjoy the moment.